Buddist principles of stepping away from the universe, of letting it flow over you without causing ripples, has always tempted me.. especially with how Shaman are viewed in general.. I've always felt like modern society things it doesn't need Shaman anymore, that we're archaic, that we don't have anything to offer to Western Civilization. I don't think that's right, but that's a subject for a later post perhaps. A Shaman isn't supposed to not make waves. We're supposed to be very good at seeing how our existance impacts the universe; good at being responsible for those impacts; even sometimes choosing to change our waves to make impacts that better the world that we're connected to, instead of just going along with the flow.
I learned that difference a while ago.. and then didn't apply it. Most of the time, the results of the waves caused by my passivity have been negligable.. or small enough to just be an annoyance to my mate. Now my lack of responsability and my lack of choice has come very close to toppling the trust she has in me. For that, I am horribly disappointed in myself.
I can't allow the world to happen to me anymore. In some few ways I haven't been: I start a new job soon because I went out and tracked it down, performed the best I could and was offered a new place. If I can be active in my professional life, then I can learn how to be active in my personal life, too.
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